snerk

Morning email from Stace:

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and 'lo-and-behold' a genie appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate.

She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for ... a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map again."

[Apologies to good men everywhere.]

aiee!!

Just got call from Place1 about interview on Tuesday. Very nice guy on phone giving me the details of where and when. I need to bring references (happily, not a problem) and I'll also have to take a basic editing/typing test.

*anxious hopping*

Next week is going to be very interesting. Interviews both Monday and Tuesday. I may be delighted but have to throw up now. Will also review all editing lessons from coursework and um do some practice editing or something. *eeek*

Ahhhhh no idea what to wear. Besides nice pants, obviously. Or how formal. I mean, I don't have a suit or anything. Or should I wear my nice skirt? Ugh don't want to shave legs, growing out for waxing purposes. Okay, thank you jesus, Judy is going to come by on Sunday and help me pick.

I'm 32 years old and can't trust to dress myself.

Okay. Have to clean apartment, repair crotch of interview pants, and lose 10lbs all by Monday.

Oh god mustn't get hopes up because then will be crushed and have to kill self.

yay, am loved

As my live journal posting goes from 2-3 a day to 50 a day. Sheesh. If you need to save your Friends lists from my tyranny, I do understand.

Judy, sensing my moroseness in our bevy of emails this morning has invited me over for dinner and quiet hanging out tonight. We're sposed to go to West Seattle Fair tomorrow, but am feeling so anti-social and blah, thinking might hide in closet instead. Though really shouldn't do things to compound moody downward spiral.

BUT then, big brother OB just called. Yaaaaay! He's going to be in town tomorrow and we're going to go to Swanson's Nursery (with my sister in law, who is a horticultural genius) and then come back to my place to fix my broken granite block table which has been in pieces for like two years. I've been wanting green things now it's summer!

Complained to him about feeling blah and how he should be nice to me because J tortured me enough for both of them last weekend. Then made him happy by telling him how I was talking to Kiki yesterday and she mentioned that her uber-boss reminded her of J. Cold, heartless, but in an endearing way. And that she said, "Don't get me wrong. I love J, but he's no OB." Nothing cheers us up more than banding snarkily against J.

Haven't seen OB in months and months and months which always makes me sad because he lives just there *points* and I need a brotherly tackle-hug. I love my big brothers *coo* They are impossibly cute.

must clean must clean must clean

Have started much needed, much spoken-of flat-cleaning.

put away clean dishes
dirty dishes in dishwasher
living room clutter
clean bedroom clutter and amass trash into bag and put into hall
clear up desk, which really isn't in terrible state
purge dresser of turned inside-out clothing and put away laundry in dryer
make bed with freshly washed sheet
bathroom countertops
scrub toilet, tub
scrub kitchen counters
combat the mutants living in fridge (ok, all but the scary leftover soup in tupperware)
vacuuming and stain removing a few unhappy cat puke spots (not mine, Hobbes)
mopping kitchen/bathroom floors

Also am going to go through dresser drawers and closet and rid self of too big clothes I haven't worn since college. And going to clean car. Though these things may not happen today.