desire, despair, delirium

More than anything else in the world. Right now. I passionately want to eat an entire bag of Hershey's Caramel Filled Kisses.

And I could. Quite possibly without pausing to remove the foil.

Afterwards I'd likely vomit and feel ill. But I could do it. And GOD I want to do it.

But I will refrain from Death by Chocolate.

I will quietly sip the last diet pepsi in the house. Behold my noble countenance.

I will pet my kitty, because he is a good kitty and I am clinging to him as I am clinging to my last dregs of sanity. I have no idea what I would do without Hobbes. Yesterday, born of my general malaise and anxiety, I had a mild panic attack that Hobbes was going to die.

Yes, he's 15 years old. He's in fine health; the vet was startled when I told her how old he was. But Calvin died so unexpectedly. Sometimes I see Hobbes lying around a bit too much in this heat, and I freak out. So Hobbes tolerated some hysterical fawning attention yesterday. Then we sat in my closet together a bit. He was very excited by this. We both have a weird affection for contained spaces. I mean, I'm mildly claustrophobic in elevators and such, but like Hobbes, I like sitting in boxes. There's something very comforting to me about contained spaces. Being able to feel my surroundings. I've always preferred small apartments, cozy rooms, etc.

However, I like my personal space. So back off, okay?

wednesday night tv

A day in front of the tv. Lot's of TLC. Cleansweep--which rules. And then somehow I ended up on ABC. Oh right. I was watching some Drew Carey. And then... I thought the Fox Network was bad. Who the fuck are these masochists on ...shit what's it called? The Ultimate Love Test? Christ on a fucking pony. Watching this guy snivel at his girlfriend who he's been watching on video mack on some other guy for the past two weeks while he was in isolation in Vermont. And he still proposes to her. It's fucking surreal. *gape* Well, sort of proposes. He shows her the ring but they're going to work on stuff first and then try the proposal again.

And on TLC. There was some show where people let other people plan their wedding. And they don't know anything about it--venue, dress, anything. It was just mind boggling to watch these two women shriek at each other.

And back on ABC. This other guy who tells his girlfriend, who wants him to finally marry her, that her personality weakens him. Yeah. And he wasn't trying to break up with her. And he's going to go see her after a few weeks separation, thinking that she's going to be happy to see him. And now he's saying that he didn't say that weakens him thing. But um, hello, he's on videotape saying it. As he's freaking out trying to explain, and she's trying to hold onto her dignity because she's planning on breaking up with him. Wow, check out his backpedaling. Oh he has a present for her. She's looking calmer now that's talked to him. Aww that's nice. Wtf is in the box? Potpourri? Okay, no it's a Russian doll thingie. Awww there's a ring inside. He gave her the Russian doll thing. And in the very center one is a ring. Awww. He's proposing.

Omfg what's wrong with me. I'm cooing at a bad reality show. I'm such a fucking sap. *sniffle*

Hah. She accepted even though she was quite the bad ass earlier, "Even if he proposed, I wouldn't marry him!" I wonder if these couples survive seeing the clips from the show they hadn't seen before they met up.

Oh now she's breaking up with her exboyf. Who's trying not to cry. Huh. Jesus, who are these people?

Ooo but there's a cute kitty. *points this out to Hobbes*

Why the hell am I actually watching this. Change the channel, bitch!!! Ack. I hate tv.