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verbicideSo I've never watched the Golden Globes before and have decided to enjoy a night of totally pointless star gazing. My entire commentary will basically be: "ooo ugly dress" "ooo he looks hot" and "omg they better not fucking win." Ad nauseum.
Yay mindless tv. Four hours of mindless tv. I am giddy with anticipation.
[Images mirrored from IMDB and legal property of their respective owners]
I was going to try to remember to list what people were winning for, but I forgot. So I'm tired and wanting to go to bed, and won't do that now, but lists of nominees and winners can be found here.
Red carpet time. Sarah Jessica Parker looks so different with dark hair, but I think I like her dress, what I could see of it. Kim Catrall's pink thing didn't do anything for me, sadly.
I will never get used to the sight of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones together. Never.
Dear GOD who dresses JLo? Orange and Gold Lame. Ick. It's like a toga but um uglier. Why? Why?
Wow Nicole Kidman's dress is hideous. Giant sequin thingies pasted all over her. And her hair... Oh here's a better shot of it.
Renée Zellweger looks pretty classy, though *approving nod*
God if I hear this bint gush 'you really are such a versatile actor!' to another patient nominee, I will shriek. And this will scare Hobbes.
I like Cate Blanchett's dress, but the hair? Why?
Purrr Jude Law. Nice to see Tom Cruise more relaxed and less "eye of Sauron." I can't find the article about him and his steely-eyed, grim gaze at (I think) the last Oscars, which compared him to the Eye of Sauron, but I'll keep looking as it was hilarious.
Oh good. It's starting.
William H Macy is so adorable. *coo*
Man, I need to see Mystic River already.
And I need the address and access code for the fountain of youth and beauty that Susan Sarandon is hogging.
Best Actor in TV Drama:
Come onnnnn Anthony La Paglia! Come on La Paglia!! COME ON!!!! I can't believe I'm not shrieking for Martin Sheen. YAAAAAAAY LA PAGLIA!! WOOOO! *shrieking*
My next choice would have been Kiefer. But not particularly for this season.
So glad to see La Paglia take it home. Without a Trace is fucking phenomenal. He's so cute and looks so genuinely surprised. Awww. Now that I have fixed the vcr, I need to start taping that again.
Best Actress in TV Drama:
However there's no way to not cheer for Allison Janney. Who did not win. Mowr. She's looking stunning though. Which is maybe small comfort as her award sweeping show begins to slowly sink to its death.
Must add 6 Feet Under to Netflix list. Was talking to my friend Mande who absolutely worships the show.
Mrh. I want to skip past the acceptance speeches.
Best Supporting Actress Movie:
No shock about Renée winning. Must also go see Cold Mountain. Dammit. Must see more movies.
God are all the women going to cry? It's not fucking Trading Spaces, people. Ooo Jude Law closeup *distracted*
Omg. Shutthefuckup. I know it's your special moment but move onnnn.
Yay Ellen. Oh. That wasn't exciting. Just an intro to a quick clip of Finding Nemo. Wow Allison Janney is beautiful.
Awww Kevin Costner looks so proud of his daughter. Awww.
The Office looks intriguing. Or maybe I'm just a whore for the accent. Ooh they won. Hee cute speechy thing. As the guys from the back row kick him and hiss 'thank hollywood press!' he hastily does and says, "I'm not from these parts. I'm from a little place called England. We used to run the world. Um. Before you." Which naturally was a crowd pleaser.
Melanie Griffith is appalling even as a presenter. Gah. I can't believe she still rates high enough to be one.
Who the hell is that with Jim Belushi? *can't place* I think she's the actress I always confuse with Michelle Pfeiffer. Or is that her *peers* My friend Stacey says it might be Marg Helgenberger or something, from CSI. Which I can't watch because I rabidly hate William L. Petersen's character in that show.
Angels in America better win. Or I will be displeased *frown* I don't care how good anything else was. Or even if Maggie Smith was in it.
God is Olivier Martinez ever going to play anything but a ho?
Oh good, it won! Al Pacino looks like he really wants to do the talking at the mic.
God Keanu looks grim. Though, Stacey informs me that this is because his sister is dying of cancer :(
Does anyone competing against Meryl Streep ever have a chance? Heh she just announced that she just realized that we could all see through her dress.
Yeah, I think I'll be skipping "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton" even if Topher Grace is adorable.
Wow. Is this entire event about remembering to thank Hollywood Foreign Press? Apparently. The president, a cute little Italian guy just came out and said something that I couldn't focus on long enough to really understand.
Oh Bonnie Hunt, I love you. I'm sorry I could never remember to watch your show. But I love you anyway.
If Alicia Silverstone actually wins, I will eat my hat. Even though I don't have one. I will have to go and buy one and eat it. Nothing against her, but so many more worthy nominees.
Oh good, Sarah Jessica Parker won. Not that much of a surprise since it's the last season and it has been a really good show. Though I have to wait for the DVDs to come out because I haven't got HBO or the patience to watch it in half hour installments. Jesus H Christ now those are high heels. I think they are 5inches. Painful speech. Omg spit it out.
Wow, Christina Ricci looks fabulous. Long flowy black gown, off one shoulder. Hair swept back.
Ashton Kutchner. All I can think of is that Dan Savage masturbates to this guy.
I desperately want to comb Al Pacino's hair. Or cut it. Or do something with it. And the ponytail? Is not ok.
I know I should go see M&C, but god, I just don't want to. Judy absolutely LOVED it. But watching Crowe growl and bark and just um speak his lines. I know he's a good actor, but blah.
God, I hope Scarlett Johansson wins. She was so freaking phenomenal in Lost in Translation.
Oh well. I love Diane Keaton. It's ok that she won, too. Oh good, she has a prepared speech and it's funny. So this is ok. *does not glower* Ok but now it's gone on too long. And I never need to hear the phrase 'put their money where their mouth is' ever again. I wonder if she's been drinking, because she keeps emphasizing random words reallyreally loud. Huh. Or maybe she's just excited. She's so cute. But her gloves really need to come off.
I hate Jack Black. I don't give a damn how good School of Rock was. He irritates the fuck out of me.
Omg Bill Murray so needs to win. And of course he did. Yay. He really was amazing. And relatively funny speech. Though again, yes, going on way too long.
Clearly the bloom is off the rose for West Wing. Allison Janney looks so lonely there.
Matt LeBlanc looks like he knows he doesn't have a prayer. But then again, it is the last season. Oh too bad. The Office takes it home. Ricky Gervais. Yay accent. As he has no idea what to say and prays for the little bleeping thing to go off so he can leave.
Oooh Elijah *coos*
Jesus. Motherfucking. Christ. RotK fucking needs to fucking win. WIN WIN WIN.
You know. If it wouldn't put anyone out.
How pathetic am I that a blip of RotK on an award show makes me tear up. Pretty pathetic. *sniff*
God what happened to Gwen Stefani's head. Queen Latifah looks pretty, though.
Howard Shore needs to win. Needs to win. Needs to win.
HOWARD SHORE *shriek* YES! YES! YES! Awww he's so cute.
Woo hooo and LotR wins for best song, too. I am pleased *benevolent nod*
Oh wow, so that's Fran Walsh. Finally get to see her. Awww she's cute. This may be the first acceptance speech I haven't lost patience with.
Mary Louise Parker and her breasts. Dear god. There's cleavage and there's HELLO MUMMY. Hee, she just thanked her newborn son for making her boobs look good. She promised Janel Moloney (Donna from West Wing) that she would do this. Stace (my fountain of gossip) tells me Billy Crudup, the baby's father, dumped her when she was 7 months pregnant (after togetherness of 7 years) for Claire Danes. Which, if true, is pretty fucked up to say the least. IMDB confirms the breakup, but nothing about Claire Danes.
God. Michael Douglas fucking bugs. I don't care how many movies he's done. My most satisfying moment of his movies was watching Kathleen Turner clock him in the face in War of the Roses. His acting is just so constipated. With the possible, grudging, exception of Wonder Boys.
Wow, that's Sharon Stone. She looks so very different.
Ok, sure I feel a little churlish, since he looks so happy, but I hate his acting!! He overdoes every scene. And GOD I hated fucking Falling Down. A quick look at IMDB, and I realize I liked a few of his movies, like Romancing the Stone, Jewel of the Nile and War of the Roses. Also An American President (where he isn't constipated). But that's it and he's just ANNOYING.
And why did he have to marry CZJ? *whine* And father 6 million children with her?
Danny Devito is so cute.
Ok so Michael Douglas's speech is making me even less tolerant. Fine. I'm going to go do dishes.
Wow. Susan Sarandon's dress. Wow.
Repeat: I need to see Mystic River already.
Best Director's up now.
Oh. My. God. Peter Jackson needs to fucking win. HE DOES. *shriek*
PETER JACKSON!!!! WOO!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
per Hawk's example, elsewhere, I shall now perform Numfar's dance of joy!
He needs to win the fucking Oscar, too. Aww. He's so cute. Kiwi accents. Good lord. *coo* Aww, Darling Dom. Described by one of Sarah's friends as: sex in a can. Dom's got tears in his eyes. Awww. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
*falls over cooing*
Come on Brittany, you can do it.
Al Pacino's win isn't much of a surprise, and I'm sure he did a phenomenal job in Angels (which I still fucking need to see, grr). I really do love Tom Wilkinson, but competing against Pacino in a year when Angels rules is just too tough.
Why isn't Emma Thompson attending, dammit. Yesyes, other continent, blah blah. I want to see her all dressed up and glorious. With the wings, if possible.
I think Al Pacino has gotten to the point where he just LOVES to be up there accepting awards. I mean, everyone must love to accept them, but he really has NO qualms about holding us all hostage. I still shake my head at his acceptance speech for umm I think it was Scent of a Woman. Which I didn't think he should have won. Though now I can't remember who I thought should have won that year.
Fergie looks good. And I just realized that she sounds exactly like my oldest aunt who speaks with a very precise brit-y accent.
Yay Love Actually! I need to see that again. I don't care if it was flawed. So many great stories. The Emma Thompson/Alan Rickman scenes alone were worth the price of admission.
God. Nicole. Why? Why? Ooooh weird, she had to announce Tom. Jude Law, rowr.
Best Actor Drama Movie:
Come on Sean Penn! Who of course isn't there. *dies of shock* Aww Clint Eastwood gave him a nice acceptance speech. Ok but again, going on too long. Shhh already. Oh yes, don't forget to thank the Hollywood Press!
Wow this thing is damn long. Be hell if my computer crashed, huh. *file.save* Yes, we can't have this brilliant recap of such an important event lost to the world.
God. I still have such guilt for not going to see Tobey McGuire in Seabiscuit. I love you, Tobey. I will see you in Spiderman 2, ok?
I'm also ashamed I haven't seen any of the foreign nominees. Not that surprised Osama won, regardless.
Judging from her red carpet comments, Charlize Theron is nearly in shock that she's even nominated, let alone winning. I like her dress. Awww. She's tackle hugging Jack. Also note: I need to see Monster. Let's see, does she pass the test? Does she remember to thank Hollywood Press? They're orchestraing her off. Ahh good, she remembered to thank the HFP. Good girl. I feel indulgent, because it seems to indicate that she realizes that she was pretty much a starlet before this movie, which from everything I've heard, is supposed to be quite good.
Which reminds me of this thing I was reading in EW about how the new thing for actresses wanting to prove their seriousness to do is to go ugly. Which is so very annoying on so many levels. And it's not particularly new, either. Anyhow.
Whoa Jim Carrey is bald. And unfunny.
Best Movie Comedy:
Wow. Bend it Like Beckham is up this year? God last year was long.
Oh no chance it can win against Lost in Translation. No way any of them can win against that is my guess. I'm glad Love Actually is a nominee, but it hasn't got a chance.
And yesh, Lost in Translation it is. And well earned, too. Great movie. Woo hoo.
And here's Leo to announce the best movie. And it so better be RotK. *pause*
AND IT IS. Thank you Jesus. God, they're all so adorable. Oh there's John Rhys Davies and Philippa Boyens and (as I retreat to Romper Room) and I see Dominic and Elijah!
Huh. So that's it. That was four hours well spent.
And now, for once, I'm going to bed early.
Yay mindless tv. Four hours of mindless tv. I am giddy with anticipation.
[Images mirrored from IMDB and legal property of their respective owners]
I was going to try to remember to list what people were winning for, but I forgot. So I'm tired and wanting to go to bed, and won't do that now, but lists of nominees and winners can be found here.
Red carpet time. Sarah Jessica Parker looks so different with dark hair, but I think I like her dress, what I could see of it. Kim Catrall's pink thing didn't do anything for me, sadly.
I will never get used to the sight of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones together. Never.
Dear GOD who dresses JLo? Orange and Gold Lame. Ick. It's like a toga but um uglier. Why? Why?
Wow Nicole Kidman's dress is hideous. Giant sequin thingies pasted all over her. And her hair... Oh here's a better shot of it.
Renée Zellweger looks pretty classy, though *approving nod*
God if I hear this bint gush 'you really are such a versatile actor!' to another patient nominee, I will shriek. And this will scare Hobbes.
I like Cate Blanchett's dress, but the hair? Why?
Purrr Jude Law. Nice to see Tom Cruise more relaxed and less "eye of Sauron." I can't find the article about him and his steely-eyed, grim gaze at (I think) the last Oscars, which compared him to the Eye of Sauron, but I'll keep looking as it was hilarious.
Oh good. It's starting.
William H Macy is so adorable. *coo*
Man, I need to see Mystic River already.
And I need the address and access code for the fountain of youth and beauty that Susan Sarandon is hogging.
Best Actor in TV Drama:
Come onnnnn Anthony La Paglia! Come on La Paglia!! COME ON!!!! I can't believe I'm not shrieking for Martin Sheen. YAAAAAAAY LA PAGLIA!! WOOOO! *shrieking*
My next choice would have been Kiefer. But not particularly for this season.
So glad to see La Paglia take it home. Without a Trace is fucking phenomenal. He's so cute and looks so genuinely surprised. Awww. Now that I have fixed the vcr, I need to start taping that again.
Best Actress in TV Drama:
However there's no way to not cheer for Allison Janney. Who did not win. Mowr. She's looking stunning though. Which is maybe small comfort as her award sweeping show begins to slowly sink to its death.
Must add 6 Feet Under to Netflix list. Was talking to my friend Mande who absolutely worships the show.
Mrh. I want to skip past the acceptance speeches.
Best Supporting Actress Movie:
No shock about Renée winning. Must also go see Cold Mountain. Dammit. Must see more movies.
God are all the women going to cry? It's not fucking Trading Spaces, people. Ooo Jude Law closeup *distracted*
Omg. Shutthefuckup. I know it's your special moment but move onnnn.
Yay Ellen. Oh. That wasn't exciting. Just an intro to a quick clip of Finding Nemo. Wow Allison Janney is beautiful.
Awww Kevin Costner looks so proud of his daughter. Awww.
The Office looks intriguing. Or maybe I'm just a whore for the accent. Ooh they won. Hee cute speechy thing. As the guys from the back row kick him and hiss 'thank hollywood press!' he hastily does and says, "I'm not from these parts. I'm from a little place called England. We used to run the world. Um. Before you." Which naturally was a crowd pleaser.
Melanie Griffith is appalling even as a presenter. Gah. I can't believe she still rates high enough to be one.
Who the hell is that with Jim Belushi? *can't place* I think she's the actress I always confuse with Michelle Pfeiffer. Or is that her *peers* My friend Stacey says it might be Marg Helgenberger or something, from CSI. Which I can't watch because I rabidly hate William L. Petersen's character in that show.
Angels in America better win. Or I will be displeased *frown* I don't care how good anything else was. Or even if Maggie Smith was in it.
God is Olivier Martinez ever going to play anything but a ho?
Oh good, it won! Al Pacino looks like he really wants to do the talking at the mic.
God Keanu looks grim. Though, Stacey informs me that this is because his sister is dying of cancer :(
Does anyone competing against Meryl Streep ever have a chance? Heh she just announced that she just realized that we could all see through her dress.
Yeah, I think I'll be skipping "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton" even if Topher Grace is adorable.
Wow. Is this entire event about remembering to thank Hollywood Foreign Press? Apparently. The president, a cute little Italian guy just came out and said something that I couldn't focus on long enough to really understand.
Oh Bonnie Hunt, I love you. I'm sorry I could never remember to watch your show. But I love you anyway.
If Alicia Silverstone actually wins, I will eat my hat. Even though I don't have one. I will have to go and buy one and eat it. Nothing against her, but so many more worthy nominees.
Oh good, Sarah Jessica Parker won. Not that much of a surprise since it's the last season and it has been a really good show. Though I have to wait for the DVDs to come out because I haven't got HBO or the patience to watch it in half hour installments. Jesus H Christ now those are high heels. I think they are 5inches. Painful speech. Omg spit it out.
Wow, Christina Ricci looks fabulous. Long flowy black gown, off one shoulder. Hair swept back.
Ashton Kutchner. All I can think of is that Dan Savage masturbates to this guy.
I desperately want to comb Al Pacino's hair. Or cut it. Or do something with it. And the ponytail? Is not ok.
I know I should go see M&C, but god, I just don't want to. Judy absolutely LOVED it. But watching Crowe growl and bark and just um speak his lines. I know he's a good actor, but blah.
God, I hope Scarlett Johansson wins. She was so freaking phenomenal in Lost in Translation.
Oh well. I love Diane Keaton. It's ok that she won, too. Oh good, she has a prepared speech and it's funny. So this is ok. *does not glower* Ok but now it's gone on too long. And I never need to hear the phrase 'put their money where their mouth is' ever again. I wonder if she's been drinking, because she keeps emphasizing random words reallyreally loud. Huh. Or maybe she's just excited. She's so cute. But her gloves really need to come off.
I hate Jack Black. I don't give a damn how good School of Rock was. He irritates the fuck out of me.
Omg Bill Murray so needs to win. And of course he did. Yay. He really was amazing. And relatively funny speech. Though again, yes, going on way too long.
Clearly the bloom is off the rose for West Wing. Allison Janney looks so lonely there.
Matt LeBlanc looks like he knows he doesn't have a prayer. But then again, it is the last season. Oh too bad. The Office takes it home. Ricky Gervais. Yay accent. As he has no idea what to say and prays for the little bleeping thing to go off so he can leave.
Oooh Elijah *coos*
Jesus. Motherfucking. Christ. RotK fucking needs to fucking win. WIN WIN WIN.
You know. If it wouldn't put anyone out.
How pathetic am I that a blip of RotK on an award show makes me tear up. Pretty pathetic. *sniff*
God what happened to Gwen Stefani's head. Queen Latifah looks pretty, though.
Howard Shore needs to win. Needs to win. Needs to win.
HOWARD SHORE *shriek* YES! YES! YES! Awww he's so cute.
Woo hooo and LotR wins for best song, too. I am pleased *benevolent nod*
Oh wow, so that's Fran Walsh. Finally get to see her. Awww she's cute. This may be the first acceptance speech I haven't lost patience with.
Mary Louise Parker and her breasts. Dear god. There's cleavage and there's HELLO MUMMY. Hee, she just thanked her newborn son for making her boobs look good. She promised Janel Moloney (Donna from West Wing) that she would do this. Stace (my fountain of gossip) tells me Billy Crudup, the baby's father, dumped her when she was 7 months pregnant (after togetherness of 7 years) for Claire Danes. Which, if true, is pretty fucked up to say the least. IMDB confirms the breakup, but nothing about Claire Danes.
God. Michael Douglas fucking bugs. I don't care how many movies he's done. My most satisfying moment of his movies was watching Kathleen Turner clock him in the face in War of the Roses. His acting is just so constipated. With the possible, grudging, exception of Wonder Boys.
Wow, that's Sharon Stone. She looks so very different.
Ok, sure I feel a little churlish, since he looks so happy, but I hate his acting!! He overdoes every scene. And GOD I hated fucking Falling Down. A quick look at IMDB, and I realize I liked a few of his movies, like Romancing the Stone, Jewel of the Nile and War of the Roses. Also An American President (where he isn't constipated). But that's it and he's just ANNOYING.
And why did he have to marry CZJ? *whine* And father 6 million children with her?
Danny Devito is so cute.
Ok so Michael Douglas's speech is making me even less tolerant. Fine. I'm going to go do dishes.
Wow. Susan Sarandon's dress. Wow.
Repeat: I need to see Mystic River already.
Best Director's up now.
Oh. My. God. Peter Jackson needs to fucking win. HE DOES. *shriek*
PETER JACKSON!!!! WOO!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
per Hawk's example, elsewhere, I shall now perform Numfar's dance of joy!
He needs to win the fucking Oscar, too. Aww. He's so cute. Kiwi accents. Good lord. *coo* Aww, Darling Dom. Described by one of Sarah's friends as: sex in a can. Dom's got tears in his eyes. Awww. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
*falls over cooing*
Come on Brittany, you can do it.
Al Pacino's win isn't much of a surprise, and I'm sure he did a phenomenal job in Angels (which I still fucking need to see, grr). I really do love Tom Wilkinson, but competing against Pacino in a year when Angels rules is just too tough.
Why isn't Emma Thompson attending, dammit. Yesyes, other continent, blah blah. I want to see her all dressed up and glorious. With the wings, if possible.
I think Al Pacino has gotten to the point where he just LOVES to be up there accepting awards. I mean, everyone must love to accept them, but he really has NO qualms about holding us all hostage. I still shake my head at his acceptance speech for umm I think it was Scent of a Woman. Which I didn't think he should have won. Though now I can't remember who I thought should have won that year.
Fergie looks good. And I just realized that she sounds exactly like my oldest aunt who speaks with a very precise brit-y accent.
Yay Love Actually! I need to see that again. I don't care if it was flawed. So many great stories. The Emma Thompson/Alan Rickman scenes alone were worth the price of admission.
God. Nicole. Why? Why? Ooooh weird, she had to announce Tom. Jude Law, rowr.
Best Actor Drama Movie:
Come on Sean Penn! Who of course isn't there. *dies of shock* Aww Clint Eastwood gave him a nice acceptance speech. Ok but again, going on too long. Shhh already. Oh yes, don't forget to thank the Hollywood Press!
Wow this thing is damn long. Be hell if my computer crashed, huh. *file.save* Yes, we can't have this brilliant recap of such an important event lost to the world.
God. I still have such guilt for not going to see Tobey McGuire in Seabiscuit. I love you, Tobey. I will see you in Spiderman 2, ok?
I'm also ashamed I haven't seen any of the foreign nominees. Not that surprised Osama won, regardless.
Judging from her red carpet comments, Charlize Theron is nearly in shock that she's even nominated, let alone winning. I like her dress. Awww. She's tackle hugging Jack. Also note: I need to see Monster. Let's see, does she pass the test? Does she remember to thank Hollywood Press? They're orchestraing her off. Ahh good, she remembered to thank the HFP. Good girl. I feel indulgent, because it seems to indicate that she realizes that she was pretty much a starlet before this movie, which from everything I've heard, is supposed to be quite good.
Which reminds me of this thing I was reading in EW about how the new thing for actresses wanting to prove their seriousness to do is to go ugly. Which is so very annoying on so many levels. And it's not particularly new, either. Anyhow.
Whoa Jim Carrey is bald. And unfunny.
Best Movie Comedy:
Wow. Bend it Like Beckham is up this year? God last year was long.
Oh no chance it can win against Lost in Translation. No way any of them can win against that is my guess. I'm glad Love Actually is a nominee, but it hasn't got a chance.
And yesh, Lost in Translation it is. And well earned, too. Great movie. Woo hoo.
And here's Leo to announce the best movie. And it so better be RotK. *pause*
AND IT IS. Thank you Jesus. God, they're all so adorable. Oh there's John Rhys Davies and Philippa Boyens and (as I retreat to Romper Room) and I see Dominic and Elijah!
Huh. So that's it. That was four hours well spent.
And now, for once, I'm going to bed early.
