c is for cookie!

[verbicide]

Why Jeff The Magnificent is So Damn Magnificent: An Essay

Scene from an IM earlier today.



Me: WHY HAVE YOU NOT BROUGHT ME ALL THE CHOCOLATE IN THE LAND? *angry face*
Jeff: *embarrassed face*
Jeff: I would have, but I'm just a poor tech writer without a car.
Me: Pff. I accept no excuses! Why have you not absconded with a stolen car and brought me chocolate?!
Jeff: If law isn't a limiting factor, why haven't you broken into the cafe and stolen some cake.
Me: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!!

At this point, my IM seized up with rage over the ALLCAPS, gave off some disturbing corporate messages, and I sheepishly called Jeff saying that my 'thingie was broken' and hopefully I wouldn't be fired for misusing company resources.

A few minutes, and a reboot later, things were fine.

Jeff bounded into my office shortly after, a paper bag at his side.

Jeff: Is everything okay?
Me: Yes! Whew! I'm sorry, I should have sent you a....*observing paper bag* What's that?
Jeff: A cookie.
Me: *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

He ran to the corner sandwich shop and bought me a chocolate-chip cookie.

*dies from fawning adoration*

Do you see?? Do you see why I gush so?