welcome to our new life-instruction series!

How to Have a Car Accident

1. Have it be clearly, and obviously, the other driver's fault.
   
2. Have it near home, or work, so you are in a familiar and comfortable location.
   
3. Have one of your best friends across the street, so that when you call, they immediately run out to your side and give you a hug (Please note, Jeff T. Magnificent does not come packaged with this instruction sheet. You must provide your own Jeff.) Have said friend provide you with all the common sense you currently lack, as you may or may not be stunned.
   
4. Have plenty of solicitous and kind witnesses who immediately run up to make sure you're okay.
   
5. Have the at-fault driver, run over, with a solicitous and apologetic attitude, also concerned that you're okay.
   
6. Sustain little or no apparent injuries.
   
7. Have your vehicle sustain little or no apparent injuries.
   
8. When you call the police to file a report, have the officers on scene be comforting, friendly, and efficient.
   
9. Call your incredibly nice local agent first instead of the 800# at the back of your card, because you're far more likely to get a human being, instead of an unfeeling and oddly hostile bitch (see Additional Tips #2).
   
10. Even though you feel fine, try not to start hyperventilating as everyone tells you your neck and head will be sore from bouncing off the window. Try to keep the 'I'm hard-headed!' jokes to a minimum.

Additional Tips:

1. Although you are stunned, it makes sense to get the name of any of the three witnesses who saw the collision in case the at-fault driver does not turn out to be a nice guy.
   
   
2. Even if the police tell you everything will be in their report, it wouldn't hurt to get the at-fault driver's complete information (not just name, license, and insurance policy company/number) because when you call the 800 line for your insurance company and get a complete bitch, you may feel frustrated that you don't have the 870 bits of additional information, because the nice officer told you to simply provide the accident report number. You should feel free to tell said bitch that you aren't sure why she's being so irate, and that you'll just call your local agent.
   
   
3. Even though you're not hurt, the experience may shake you up for an hour, and it's okay to feel relieved that you didn't in fact start sniffling when the nice officer was asking you questions. It doesn't necessarily mean you are a complete and utter sissy.

THIS JUST IN

About an hour ago, Stacey called me from Queen Anne. Stace is up here for the weekend+ for a visit and job interview. Judy has Mondays off, so they've been hanging out this morning before Stace's interview. Then, while driving Stacey to her interview, they got into a car accident.

Fortunately, everyone's okay.

With me, a commercial van ran a red light and hit the passenger side of my car in the middle of an intersection.

With Judy and Stace, the car in front of them rear-ended the car in front of them, stopping abruptly, so Judy ended up rear-ending the car in front of her.

It's surreal. John (Judy's husband) was on his way the last I talked to them. Judy and I both insisted Stace walk up the hill to her interview, since no one was physically injured, though the front of Judy's car was crumpled and has to be towed.

It's so utterly surreal, I don't know what to say. Except, I suppose: Be careful, ya'll. The air, she has bad ju-ju. Or something.