welcome to our new life-instruction series!

[verbicide]

How to Have a Car Accident

1. Have it be clearly, and obviously, the other driver's fault.
   
2. Have it near home, or work, so you are in a familiar and comfortable location.
   
3. Have one of your best friends across the street, so that when you call, they immediately run out to your side and give you a hug (Please note, Jeff T. Magnificent does not come packaged with this instruction sheet. You must provide your own Jeff.) Have said friend provide you with all the common sense you currently lack, as you may or may not be stunned.
   
4. Have plenty of solicitous and kind witnesses who immediately run up to make sure you're okay.
   
5. Have the at-fault driver, run over, with a solicitous and apologetic attitude, also concerned that you're okay.
   
6. Sustain little or no apparent injuries.
   
7. Have your vehicle sustain little or no apparent injuries.
   
8. When you call the police to file a report, have the officers on scene be comforting, friendly, and efficient.
   
9. Call your incredibly nice local agent first instead of the 800# at the back of your card, because you're far more likely to get a human being, instead of an unfeeling and oddly hostile bitch (see Additional Tips #2).
   
10. Even though you feel fine, try not to start hyperventilating as everyone tells you your neck and head will be sore from bouncing off the window. Try to keep the 'I'm hard-headed!' jokes to a minimum.

Additional Tips:

1. Although you are stunned, it makes sense to get the name of any of the three witnesses who saw the collision in case the at-fault driver does not turn out to be a nice guy.
   
   
2. Even if the police tell you everything will be in their report, it wouldn't hurt to get the at-fault driver's complete information (not just name, license, and insurance policy company/number) because when you call the 800 line for your insurance company and get a complete bitch, you may feel frustrated that you don't have the 870 bits of additional information, because the nice officer told you to simply provide the accident report number. You should feel free to tell said bitch that you aren't sure why she's being so irate, and that you'll just call your local agent.
   
   
3. Even though you're not hurt, the experience may shake you up for an hour, and it's okay to feel relieved that you didn't in fact start sniffling when the nice officer was asking you questions. It doesn't necessarily mean you are a complete and utter sissy.

Comments

[merhawk]

From first hand experience, I can tell you - those are GREAT tips.

And, man, does it suck. Just take it easy, try not to stress out about it (hah!), and let Jeff be your cabana-boy and take care of you (if he'll let you).

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

I'll do my best to take it easy and not stress out--for what it was, I was seriously lucky to have come out so unscathed!

[merhawk]

I finally got a certain package to the post office today, so hopefully that'll make you feel better when you get it.

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

Ooooooo. I can't wait, Hawk!

[archaica.livejournal.com]

Ack! *hugs* I hope you're OK!

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

Crazy, huh? I'm okay, though *hugs*

[greyaenigma.livejournal.com]

Best accident ever! You are getting yourself checked out, right? Hope everything turns out OK.

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) I'm going to see how I feel tomorrow morning, since everyone promises me I'll be sore, and now I'm starting to feel a twinge, but I'm convinced it's psychosomatic!

[lietya.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Man, you poor thing. I'm glad things turned out as well as could possibly be hoped, but still, that's rough.

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Isn't that crazy? I'm insanely lucky, though that it wasn't worse!

[artemis77.livejournal.com]

Thank goodness you're okay! It must still be a frightening ordeal. Just last week P's daughter was driving down our street, and someone who was parallel parked on the street (teenage son of a neighbor) pulled out and hit her - probably her first accident where she wasn't at fault - her car sustained about 2K in damages (which we may or may not do without the insurance companies because the neighbor dad is rich and wants to keep his premiums down - does anyone reading this know if that's a bad idea???) - the teen's car was totaled (somehow it hit just at the right angle that the axel on his car was snapped). No one was hurt - which is the most important thing of course - but now she has to go around getting appraisals and arranging a car rental. Fun fun fun. *hugs*

[archaica.livejournal.com]

Y'ask me, Junior should have to pay the consequences for his shitty driving.

[artemis77.livejournal.com]

I supposed Dad pays the premium because Junior is on his policy. Dad seems to be quite wealthy - when he stopped by he was barefoot and said he was soaking wet (he didn't appear to be that waterlogged) because he was just on his boat. The autobody shop mentioned that those deals don't always work out well for people because if an estimate is lower than the work that actually ends up being done - and the other person becomes a jerk - you're left on your own. I can see why he'd want it off his record - our insurance is high because of a couple of accidents M had a long time ago. P and I have perfect records.

[archaica.livejournal.com]

Auto body guy is right. Deal with him through the insurance companies. If he starts to give you shit about it, asking you why you "can't just go along," tell him, "This isn't the kind of thing I deal with under the table." Make it inflexible. He'll have to suck it up and deal.

[artemis77.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think it may be better to keep it on the up and up. Especially since he lives across the street - you don't want anything to go wrong between neighbors.

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

Oh, poor daughter-of-P!

I think the biggest risk of doing it off the books is that if someone unexpected comes up later, they can completely screw you over. I hate to approach situations with a paranoid mentality, but I think we live in a world where we need to be cautious about things. If his dad is rich, he can afford the higher premiums and deal with it as the cost of having a kid and this way P's daughter is protected in case anything unexpected happens.

I'm so glad no one was hurt, but it's such a pain!

[trtle.livejournal.com]

That sucks! I'm glad you and Frog escaped relatively injury free!

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Amy :) I was so confused, I kept peering at the car, looking for the damage. Just a few scrapes, and Jeff thinks there's a slight indentation in one area. I'm taking it to a body shop for a quick analysis tomorrow.

I still sorta can't believe it...

[waysofseeing.livejournal.com]

Eep! Glad you're OK.

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

Thanks--me too!

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

Um, scary? Glad that you're OK.

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

Thanks--me too!

[neojima.livejournal.com]

Yow. Sorry to hear about this. Glad to see you're okay, though.

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

Thanks, jimabeans :)