fucking hell
Aug. 14th, 2005 04:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
verbicideI am so fucking tired. Oh. My. Fucking. GOD.
I am so tired that my right eye is twitching. And the only time that twitches is when I am well and truly beyond the point of tired.
I just want to crawl into bed and sleep FOREVER.
But, I can't.
Got up relatively early this morning. Which, you know, was okay because I went to bed so early last night. But I still hate mornings on principle. Ellie came to pick me up and we drove to Lake Washington, or as I like to call it, Swamp of Death. I can only compartmentalize so far. As the time drew nearer, I was more and more anxious. Chuck and Kim were running late, so Ellie and I met Judy at Starbucks and sat and waited. I love Ellen because she doesn't drive me insane with her peppy outlook. If something sucks, and generally we agree on what that is, she says so. So we commiserated.
Eventually, it was time and we drove to the ramp where the Danskin actually starts up from. The delicious smell of boat diesel permeated the air. Chuck, who is the manliest creature to walk the earth, lifted off the canoe and set it into the water, while I stood as far away from everyone as possible. But there was no escape. Judy finally walked over and linked arms with me and half-dragged me into the disgusting, weed-tangled water. They were cracking jokes and I have to admit, I got a bit hysterical with laughter. I was so afraid and so revolted and so freaked out, that I kept doubling over laughing. Ellen: "Great, we broke her. She's completely lost it." Then Judy tugged me in further. Let me just say, it's great that Judy is so strong and resilient, because it is a mighty fucking chore being my best friend.
Ellen also hates this, so Judy pretty much shoved her in, yelling at her. Ellen's done this a couple of times before, so Judy has no sympathy for her. I could hear Ellie shrieking about how cold it was and eventually Judy dunked her head in.
For a good chunk of the first leg, I kept my head above water, trying not to think about duck feces floating into my face and trying not to throw up. The water was pretty choppy and I think the panic was getting to me. I felt completely winded. I absolutely did not want to put my face in the water. And Judy, who knows that I'm a strong swimmer, had a lot less patience for me in the water than on the bike. She kept coming dangerously close, shouting at me to put my face in the water, because I would be able to swim 100x faster. Finally I did, and it was gross. She treaded water next to me the whole time, barking instructions. She would let me do 10 breastrokes, then 10 of the face-in crawl. Ugh. I kept running out of breath, and she said it was just anxiety. I couldn't open my eyes (even with the goggles) under water because for some reason it completely freaked me out. So I kept them shut tight, which meant that I wasn't able to orient as well, and just GOD. IT SUCKED.
But fucking finally I reached the 1/4 mile mark (and actually, we're pretty sure we overshot it). I demanded a water noodle and waded back fairly slowly. I love these guys. They were already at the boat, and shrieking encouragement. I could hear them every time I came up for air. And it kept making me laugh, which is not good when you're swimming. Judy let me rest for a bit, then took the noodle away and I did my best to power my way back. At one point, Judy touched my back, because I was doing the crawl pretty constantly and not looking up enough to see where I was going. It scared the shit out of me and I had to tread water, panting until my heart rate went down. Overall, I was going a lot faster, trying not to let the choppy waves freak me out, and not let the fact that I could really smell boat diesel and thought I was going to throw up because I kept having really revolting images float into my head. The end was the worst, because it's the weediest, and every time I felt something brush against my foot I wanted to scream.
Jeanne and Ellie jumped up and down on the ramp, shrieking encouragement. Kim and Judy paced their way back with me as I tried not to completely lose it because there were so many weeds and, actually, a little fish wriggling around. Kim and Judy love this sort of thing, and were almost obnoxiously cheery. Which is why I love Ellen so damn much. The first thing she said as I stumbled up the ramp was, "It SUCKS, doesn't it?" I gave her a wet hug.
I will say, much more than a few weeks ago, I think I'm ready. I may hate every single motherfucking second of this next Saturday, but I know I can actually do all the tasks.
We stood around discussing logistics for next week, then Ellen and I bustled off to Ballard Market. I needed to pick up some quick things for the baby shower, figuring I could do my week's shopping later, and Ellen is hosting a bbq.
So groceries in hand, I made it back home, assembled the crab dip and rushed out the door (no time for a shower, ugh) to the babyshower, already half an hour late. I hadn't forwarded the evite to my personal email addy, so I knew the party was at Carkeek Park at 1, but that was it. I was freaking out because I had offered to bring drinks, and now I was late, and omg what if people were thirsty. And then I told myself to shut the fuck up already. The world was not going to end over these damn beverages. And it worked out fine. I got there, I wasn't the last person to arrive, I chatted with co-workers and the mommy-to-be. I wolfed down a bunch of the little wrap sandwiches. I only stayed an hour. Because this day is so very depressingly far from over.
Back to the Ballard Market where I spent a million dollars on fresh fruit and veggies. And now, finally, I am home. I want to just lounge and watch tv, but I've been doing that over the weekends. Squeezing in all the relaxation and then I'm stressed all week because the laundry isn't done, there aren't decent groceries to eat, everything's cluttered. Big, fat WAH.
Regardless, my remaining goals for today are to:
-take out the trash
-do laundry and put it away
-organize my dresser drawers so I can do the above
-put away groceries in some orderly fashion so I can prepare lunches/dinner easily this week
-do the dishes and put them away
- assemble the filing cabinet and at least get some of the crap off of my desk (--so not going to happen today)
-be in bed no later than 11pm
And sitting on LJ isn't accomplishing much of this, so... *frogmarches self off to kitchen*
I am so tired that my right eye is twitching. And the only time that twitches is when I am well and truly beyond the point of tired.
I just want to crawl into bed and sleep FOREVER.
But, I can't.
Got up relatively early this morning. Which, you know, was okay because I went to bed so early last night. But I still hate mornings on principle. Ellie came to pick me up and we drove to Lake Washington, or as I like to call it, Swamp of Death. I can only compartmentalize so far. As the time drew nearer, I was more and more anxious. Chuck and Kim were running late, so Ellie and I met Judy at Starbucks and sat and waited. I love Ellen because she doesn't drive me insane with her peppy outlook. If something sucks, and generally we agree on what that is, she says so. So we commiserated.
Eventually, it was time and we drove to the ramp where the Danskin actually starts up from. The delicious smell of boat diesel permeated the air. Chuck, who is the manliest creature to walk the earth, lifted off the canoe and set it into the water, while I stood as far away from everyone as possible. But there was no escape. Judy finally walked over and linked arms with me and half-dragged me into the disgusting, weed-tangled water. They were cracking jokes and I have to admit, I got a bit hysterical with laughter. I was so afraid and so revolted and so freaked out, that I kept doubling over laughing. Ellen: "Great, we broke her. She's completely lost it." Then Judy tugged me in further. Let me just say, it's great that Judy is so strong and resilient, because it is a mighty fucking chore being my best friend.
Ellen also hates this, so Judy pretty much shoved her in, yelling at her. Ellen's done this a couple of times before, so Judy has no sympathy for her. I could hear Ellie shrieking about how cold it was and eventually Judy dunked her head in.
For a good chunk of the first leg, I kept my head above water, trying not to think about duck feces floating into my face and trying not to throw up. The water was pretty choppy and I think the panic was getting to me. I felt completely winded. I absolutely did not want to put my face in the water. And Judy, who knows that I'm a strong swimmer, had a lot less patience for me in the water than on the bike. She kept coming dangerously close, shouting at me to put my face in the water, because I would be able to swim 100x faster. Finally I did, and it was gross. She treaded water next to me the whole time, barking instructions. She would let me do 10 breastrokes, then 10 of the face-in crawl. Ugh. I kept running out of breath, and she said it was just anxiety. I couldn't open my eyes (even with the goggles) under water because for some reason it completely freaked me out. So I kept them shut tight, which meant that I wasn't able to orient as well, and just GOD. IT SUCKED.
But fucking finally I reached the 1/4 mile mark (and actually, we're pretty sure we overshot it). I demanded a water noodle and waded back fairly slowly. I love these guys. They were already at the boat, and shrieking encouragement. I could hear them every time I came up for air. And it kept making me laugh, which is not good when you're swimming. Judy let me rest for a bit, then took the noodle away and I did my best to power my way back. At one point, Judy touched my back, because I was doing the crawl pretty constantly and not looking up enough to see where I was going. It scared the shit out of me and I had to tread water, panting until my heart rate went down. Overall, I was going a lot faster, trying not to let the choppy waves freak me out, and not let the fact that I could really smell boat diesel and thought I was going to throw up because I kept having really revolting images float into my head. The end was the worst, because it's the weediest, and every time I felt something brush against my foot I wanted to scream.
Jeanne and Ellie jumped up and down on the ramp, shrieking encouragement. Kim and Judy paced their way back with me as I tried not to completely lose it because there were so many weeds and, actually, a little fish wriggling around. Kim and Judy love this sort of thing, and were almost obnoxiously cheery. Which is why I love Ellen so damn much. The first thing she said as I stumbled up the ramp was, "It SUCKS, doesn't it?" I gave her a wet hug.
I will say, much more than a few weeks ago, I think I'm ready. I may hate every single motherfucking second of this next Saturday, but I know I can actually do all the tasks.
We stood around discussing logistics for next week, then Ellen and I bustled off to Ballard Market. I needed to pick up some quick things for the baby shower, figuring I could do my week's shopping later, and Ellen is hosting a bbq.
So groceries in hand, I made it back home, assembled the crab dip and rushed out the door (no time for a shower, ugh) to the babyshower, already half an hour late. I hadn't forwarded the evite to my personal email addy, so I knew the party was at Carkeek Park at 1, but that was it. I was freaking out because I had offered to bring drinks, and now I was late, and omg what if people were thirsty. And then I told myself to shut the fuck up already. The world was not going to end over these damn beverages. And it worked out fine. I got there, I wasn't the last person to arrive, I chatted with co-workers and the mommy-to-be. I wolfed down a bunch of the little wrap sandwiches. I only stayed an hour. Because this day is so very depressingly far from over.
Back to the Ballard Market where I spent a million dollars on fresh fruit and veggies. And now, finally, I am home. I want to just lounge and watch tv, but I've been doing that over the weekends. Squeezing in all the relaxation and then I'm stressed all week because the laundry isn't done, there aren't decent groceries to eat, everything's cluttered. Big, fat WAH.
Regardless, my remaining goals for today are to:
-
-
-
-
-
- assemble the filing cabinet and at least get some of the crap off of my desk (--so not going to happen today)
-
And sitting on LJ isn't accomplishing much of this, so... *frogmarches self off to kitchen*
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-15 04:20 am (UTC)Also, that swimming sounds absolutely disgusting. You are a hero for going through with it. Me, I'd be, "screw you guys and your duck feces, I'm going home."
no subject
Date: 2005-08-15 05:59 am (UTC)You know, I came awfully close to doing just that. It was repulsive.