verbicide | too late

The reason I'm awake at this hour: I got a call at 8am. It's never good when someone calls me this early. It's the equivalent of calling someone else at 3am. It means someone has died.

My aunt (paternal uncle's wife) passed away last night. She was an amazing woman. She was kind and loving and smart and just so good.. My uncle passed away several years ago, unexpectedly and too early. He left for work and had a heart attack. They both lived in Pakistan their whole life, but I really cherished any time I had with them (they would visit, etc). She was the sort of person who would help any stranger. She was very generous and just argh. Everything I write sounds so stupid. She had this ability... see, all Pakistani adults have the right to sort of direct kids to do things (like helping out around the house, etc) and she would ask you to do it (your duty) but thank you so sweetly (not everyone bothered) and make you feel like you were just the best most helpful kid ever.

This sounds weird, but I feel the need to share it, so please bear with me. I found out last year that she was crazy about me. Not to be self deprecating, but I have no idea why. I can't see how I would have earned it. I knew she loved me, of course, but I had no idea how much. Apparently she had decided that I was the best thing ever and wanted for me to marry her youngest, favorite son. First cousin marriages are pretty common there. Anyhow, the rest of the family dissuaded her, explaining that I was too modern for it to be a good match. Anyhow. I felt so touched. Talk about approval, huh?

So all last year I've been meaning to call her. I tried once but the line wouldn't connect. And then I just forgot. And I feel like shit for not having made the effort because now it's just too fucking late.

Argh need to figure out time difference between here and London to call my cousins.